Author: Louise Plever

I don’t even know how to begin to describe the last few days, besides that they have been pretty incredible. There’s been moments of “how the hell am I going to do this” followed by moments of “hell yes I can totally do this” and luckily the moments of confidence and joy have greatly unnumbered the moments of doubt. Thailand is a beautiful country from the very little I’ve seen so far and the people are just as nice if not nicer than what I was expecting.

It’s been so amazing getting to explore a little bit of Chiang Mai and the Thai culture, but the most influential part of these last few days has definitely been the people I’ve interacted with and been surrounded by.

First off, the people in my program have already impacted and inspired me so much and I can’t wait to continue getting to know them. Everyone has their own stories and differences but we also all have so many similarities and ultimately all came here because we wanted to do something we’ve never done before. I’ve had some of the most deep and real conversations with these people over the past 4 days and the openness and honesty of strangers who quickly became friends has made me so happy.

The Thai people have also already had a huge impact on me and I hope their happiness and joy will continue to rub off on me. There have been a few specific locals that have won my heart already and made me smile until my face hurt, and their kindness and willingness to just laugh and be light hearted is so refreshing.

I’m still wrapping my head around the fact that I’m living here and this isn’t a vacation and that when this month is up I will be moving to another town to teach kids English. Right now I’m just trying to live in the moment and enjoy all the wonderful experiences I’m having and continue to get to know all the people around me.

The language and the culture difference felt a little daunting the first couple of days but I’m beginning to feel more confident in my ability to negotiate unfamiliar settings and communicate the best I can. I was able to recognize landmarks and work my way back from a bar without the help of a map last night and today discovered a new vegan restaurant down the street and officially have a “fruit guy” with the best pineapple within 2 minutes of our accommodation.

Overall Thailand has already changed my point of view on quite a number of things and being around people with the same motivations as me has helped me to self reflect on a lot of what motivated me to come here and the drive that I have to make not only myself but the world around me a better place. I cannot wait to see all the things this adventure has in store for me and to continue to get to see Thailand, the surrounding countries, and experience all the lessons I have coming my way.

So Thailand….it’s the purpose of this blog, it’s been the plan for months now, it’s been what I thought I really wanted. So why now in these last couple weeks have I been having mini freak outs almost every day? Maybe because it’s getting closer, it’s getting more real. Maybe because I don’t want to leave behind this amazing life I’ve created with the incredible people who make my heart sing when I’m around them. Maybe it’s because I’m actually not strong enough and I’ve been trying to fool myself this whole time.

It might even be a combination of all of these things, but really I think I’m freaking out because I’m scared, really truly scared. Scared of the unknown, scared that I’ll fail, scared that I’ll come home to nothing and no one. Scared that this isn’t the right choice for me and maybe I should be doing something more responsible and working on creating a more permanent life for myself and actually try becoming more of an adult, you know one of those people with a “career” that actually has benefits and things.

But because I’m scared, actually terrified, that’s why I need to leave. I need to go and get out of my comfort zone. I need to leave behind this warm cozy home of Tucson with the people that make me jump for joy and the jobs, that although not necessarily always secure, make me feel incredibly blessed because I get to interact and help people I love.

I need to leave all of this behind and jump into the unknown, because I need to grow. I need to know that things aren’t always going to comfortable, and that my life truly begins when I face all the fears that scream in my face. I’m stronger than those fears; I will catch myself if I fall and I won’t come home to nothing and no one because I have incredible people in my life that are excited for my journey and know, even when I don’t, that it’s the right thing for me.

So Thailand….I’m coming for you. I’m going to be scared and I’m probably going to keep having doubts, but I’m not going to let those doubts stand in my way. I want to keep creating a life that makes me feel blessed and amazed. I want a life of adventure, passion, and one filled with joy, and achieving that means traveling, diving straight into fear and coming out the other side stronger than ever. I will go to Thailand and teach kids English and explore the country and get to know the Thai people and it will be incredible, even when it’s uncomfortable. So here’s to 2016 and facing all the fears that try and tell you that you’re not good enough; because you are, you are so good enough.